Where is home?
by little-orange-book
Summary: After an argument between the two Winchesters, Sam is left looking to discover his place in the world. (Any pairings are undecided)


(A/N: Not sure where I'm planning on going with this, but enjoy what comes out of it)

Chapter 1

"Dean, please, why won't you just listen to me? I'm telling the truth." Sam shouted, as he followed his brother who continued to walk away from him and towards the impala.

Dean stopped and turned around, head shaking and smiling in disbelief. "So what, you just expect me to believe you?"

"Yeah, I do, because we're brothers."

Dean looked at Sam, staring at him with an emotionless expression, the kind he used when facing an opponent. "See here's the thing. You say that like it's supposed to mean something."

For a moment Sam couldn't breathe. It felt like someone had hit him, the moment the words had been spoken. "A-are you…are you saying it doesn't?" he asked, trying to ignore the pain at what the words had implied.

"**Yes**! No…maybe, I don't know anymore" Dean shouted, tugging on his hair in frustration. "It's just, I look at you, but I don't see the little brother I used to know. Hell, some days you're like a stranger."

Sam stepped in closer, bringing his hands to his chest. "What are you saying? I'm still me. I'm still the same person."

Dean released a bitter laugh. "Right. So you always lied to me? And hid things from me, over and over again, whilst you played house with a bloody demon!" He waited for a response, but all he got was Sam looking down at the floor, guilt written all over his face. "Well… did you?"

"No…" Sam whispered.

He turned away from his brother, sighing as he ran a hand down his face. "I just, I don't know what to do with you anymore."

Sam's head shot up in shock, panic and fear clear on his face. "What? No. Dean. Look I know I screwed up big time, I know I did, but I'll make it up to you somehow. Whatever it takes. Just, tell me what I've got to do." He begged, eyes pleading for his brother to forgive him.

"That's just it though. We keep doing this, every time you do something bad, when we can finally start to move on you go off and do something stupid again. But I don't think you can fix it. Not now. Not this time."

He knew Dean had every right to be angry with him, to shout at him, but he was trying to save their relationship. He was. But to make it sound like everything they had been through was because of him...he couldn't stop himself before the words had left his lips. "And what, you're saying you've never done something wrong."

Dean froze. "I never said that."

"Well you make it seem like everything is my fault. But we've both made wrong decisions in our life, and every time it ends with the two of us fighting our way out, to fix it. Together." Sam reached out to place a hand on Dean's shoulder only to be pushed away.

Dean frowned. "Well maybe that's the problem. Perhaps we've been together for too long."

Sam tried to smile "You don't mean that."

"Who you trying to kid, you didn't even want this life, you ran away from it all. I dragged you back into this, and look how much good it's done us."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh don't I?" Dean asked in a mocking tone

"No, you don't. You don't get to tell me how I feel about my life, about hunting or even how I feel being with you! That's not how it works Dean."

"Look, Sammy. I'm tired of the same shit always happening. I think it would be best if we just… went our separate ways for a while."

Sam shook his head "I don't want-"

"Well, what about what I want for a change, huh?! Everything I do is for you Sam, everything. Because you're my baby brother, but I can't even call you that right now." Dean yelled, now openly displaying the rage he had been trying to keep back as to avoid saying something he would regret.

"Dean…I..." Sam tried to speak, to calm him down only to be cut of as Dean continued to shout at him.

"I can't be with someone I don't trust Sam. I can't be with someone who over their own family would pick a demon, a monster for Christ's sake. Why it practically makes you…"

They both stopped. Dean looked at the ground, the feeling of guilt beginning to slowly creep up on him. Damn it, he knew better than anyone how the next few words would hurt Sam.

Sam stood stiffly, eyes cold. "Go on. Say it."

He didn't want to, but they both knew what he was about to say. Pretending it didn't happen now would only make it worse. So Dean looked back up at his baby brother, swallowing hard, "It makes you one of them."

Sam nodded absentmindedly, he let out a cold, humourless chuckle "Right, one of them. A monster… I been called that by a lot of people, but I never thought Id hear you say it. "

"Sam…" Dean said softly, all leftover traces of anger pushed aside as his brotherly instincts rose up at seeing Sammy hurt, worse, because it was him who caused it.

Sam began to back away "Fine. You win."

"Where are you going?"

Turning around he started back the way they had originally came from, shouting back -"Away from you. Like you wanted me to."

"Sam! …" Dean shouted, wanting him to come back, but instead watched as he moved further and further away. He growled in anger, kicking at the ground.

"**Son of a** **bitch**!"

Getting back in the impala, he decided to head back to the motel. He'd give Sam some time to cool off, hell, they both needed it. He was right in saying they needed to part ways for a while, although he hadn't wanted it to end like this between them, at least he got what he wanted, right?

So why did it feel like he was making a huge mistake?

(Part for later on)

"I don't know if there's anyone up there listening to me or if it's worth listening to a monsters prayer, but… I just…please, I messed up real bad. I tried to do the right things; I did everything I could, only for it to be the wrong choice. I've hurt people. There's nothing I can do to fix that. If I had known what would happen…"

"I'm not asking for forgiveness, I've done too much wrong for that, and I know I have no right to ask anything thing from you, after all I've done, I shouldn't speak to you, but this isn't for me. So please, please hear me."

"The only thing I ask of you, hell I'll even beg… just please watch over my brother. I need to know he'll be okay. I can't watch his back for him right now, and it's my all my fault. He trusted me, believed in me and had faith in me every time and how do I repay him? He's never deserved it, never. But I let him down, so many times, over and over again. And now I've lost him."

It hurts, worse than anything else. And trust me I've had a few injuries that almost killed me. But to lose my brother, my family… to see the pain in his eyes and know that I caused it. I don't blame him for giving up on me, and I know, inside, I'll never be free of this guilt. I deserve it. But Dean deserves so much more than what I've put him through. So please, watch over him, make sure he can find some happiness. And let him know I'm sorry."


End file.
